adult children of divorce

Segment on HuffPostLive!

When I sat down with my best friend and his boyfriend last night for martinis at a video lounge in Pittsburgh, I was definitely not expecting to be contacted by The Huffington Post about contributing to a live segment tomorrow!  But there you have it…my first on-air guest experience and it’s with the Huffington Post!  I am thrilled beyond belief.

So if you’re interested, the HuffPostLive segment “I Got Divorced After Being Married for 30 Years” will stream at 1:40 p.m. EST and will cover issues of rising “grey divorce” and adult children of divorce, which I’ve written about a few times before.  I will be coming to you live from the Steel City, caffeine in hand. And with that, I’m off to make myself look presentable!

How can divorcing parents be there for their adult children? Let me count the ways.

I’ve been wanting to write a sort of follow-up piece for quite some time on my “Stop Telling Adult Children of Divorce to ‘Get Over It'” article for Role/Reboot last December.  As a fairly new adult child of divorce (or ACOD), I do not believe that there are enough resources for people like me on the Interwebs and that I would have benefited greatly knowing that I wasn’t alone during the process.

I received a ton of positive feedback on the December piece from friends of mine who are parents — parents who have gone through divorces, are currently divorcing, and even a friend’s father who assists divorcing couples and their children as a pastor.  These parents are looking for resources, and I felt well-equipped from the “child’s” perspective to outline a few suggestions for how parents can support and better understand their adult children during this tough time.  Of course, there are so many more suggestions I could have included (not expecting your child to readily embrace your new significant other after the split is a HUGE one), but for the sake of maximum word count, here we are with my top five.

5 Ways Divorcing Parents Can Support Their Adult Children — April 13, 2014 on Role/Reboot

On Being An Adult Child of Divorce During the Holidays

The holidays were tough for me this year.  There were days that I felt like a bundle of nervous energy and days when I could barely muster the motivation to get out of bed in the morning.  I told myself repeatedly that if I could just make it through the month-end calendar change, I’d be okay.

Of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas weren’t always like this.  Growing up, I had the meals and present exchanges with my nuclear family, the visitations with relatives, but it was always routine that we followed together — the three of us.  Since my parents’ split in 2011 and my dad’s moving three hours away, the holidays have left me feeling very much like a [wo]man without a country.  There were abandoned traditions, and then there were new traditions, and then there came the question of where and how to spend which. 

Further propelled by coffee, I wrote this piece for Role/Reboot on one of the “nervous energy” days in a little over an hour flat.  It’s the fastest I’ve probably ever written a thousand words, and one of the most cathartic releases through writing that I’ve ever experienced.  There was very little editing done:

“Stop Telling Adult Children of Divorce to ‘Get Over It'” — December 27, 2013 on Role/Reboot

My experience of having a nuclear family and then watching it fall apart is very different from the experience of never having had a nuclear family.  Both are absolutely worth talking about.