When I sat down with my best friend and his boyfriend last night for martinis at a video lounge in Pittsburgh, I was definitely not expecting to be contacted by The Huffington Post about contributing to a live segment tomorrow! But there you have it…my first on-air guest experience and it’s with the Huffington Post! I am thrilled beyond belief.
So if you’re interested, the HuffPostLive segment “I Got Divorced After Being Married for 30 Years” will stream at 1:40 p.m. EST and will cover issues of rising “grey divorce” and adult children of divorce, which I’ve written about a few times before. I will be coming to you live from the Steel City, caffeine in hand. And with that, I’m off to make myself look presentable!
I’ve been wanting to write a sort of follow-up piece for quite some time on my “Stop Telling Adult Children of Divorce to ‘Get Over It'” article for Role/Reboot last December. As a fairly new adult child of divorce (or ACOD), I do not believe that there are enough resources for people like me on the Interwebs and that I would have benefited greatly knowing that I wasn’t alone during the process.
I received a ton of positive feedback on the December piece from friends of mine who are parents — parents who have gone through divorces, are currently divorcing, and even a friend’s father who assists divorcing couples and their children as a pastor. These parents are looking for resources, and I felt well-equipped from the “child’s” perspective to outline a few suggestions for how parents can support and better understand their adult children during this tough time. Of course, there are so many more suggestions I could have included (not expecting your child to readily embrace your new significant other after the split is a HUGE one), but for the sake of maximum word count, here we are with my top five.
5 Ways Divorcing Parents Can Support Their Adult Children — April 13, 2014 on Role/Reboot
The holidays were tough for me this year. There were days that I felt like a bundle of nervous energy and days when I could barely muster the motivation to get out of bed in the morning. I told myself repeatedly that if I could just make it through the month-end calendar change, I’d be okay.
Of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas weren’t always like this. Growing up, I had the meals and present exchanges with my nuclear family, the visitations with relatives, but it was always routine that we followed together — the three of us. Since my parents’ split in 2011 and my dad’s moving three hours away, the holidays have left me feeling very much like a [wo]man without a country. There were abandoned traditions, and then there were new traditions, and then there came the question of where and how to spend which.
Further propelled by coffee, I wrote this piece for Role/Reboot on one of the “nervous energy” days in a little over an hour flat. It’s the fastest I’ve probably ever written a thousand words, and one of the most cathartic releases through writing that I’ve ever experienced. There was very little editing done:
“Stop Telling Adult Children of Divorce to ‘Get Over It'” — December 27, 2013 on Role/Reboot
My experience of having a nuclear family and then watching it fall apart is very different from the experience of never having had a nuclear family. Both are absolutely worth talking about.